How are our relationships ? Really. How often do we take the time to think about or take stock of what’s really going on ? How honestly are communicating with each other ? How often are we left with niggling feelings underneath that can become uncomfortable or even lead to separation or broken relationships ?
Authentic Communication is the basis of any healthy, co-committed (as opposed to co-dependent) relationship, whether it be with our partners, children, friends or colleagues.
It allows both communicators to speak from a place of self ownership, responsibility and empowerment as well as showing up in their truth, being heard and strengthening their relationships.
It is a practice that opens a universe of possibilities for self-and each other- knowledge, expansion, deepening in joy and compassion, trust, acceptance and support.
Authentic Communication requires the speakers to find the root of their feelings and emotions in a felt sense with their bodymindsoul and to communicate them empathetically and kindly.
Revealing your feelingemotions and your deepest felt sensations, bringing your indisputable truth out of the shadow into the light, demands that you step fully into the realm of the Big Scary V: vulnerability.
As Brené Brown puts it:
“Vulnerability is the courage to go all in even if you know it could mean failing or hurting”.
Authentic Communication isn’t about discussing, disputing, blaming, shaming or getting it right or wrong. It is about being. Truly being. Being true. Courageously. To yourself. It is about daring to journey into your often unexplored Shadowland and shed some light onto your – self-proclaimed – less desirable, less acceptable or even less lovable, facets. I
t is about removing layers of self-protection and appearing in your unique, beautiful, fragile truth. And, as importantly, it is about giving yourself and your communication partner respect, love and compassion, in caring for that fragility and that vulnerability.
This powerful aphorism by 13th century Persian poet and philosopher Rumi comes to mind:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Authentic Communication is an art that demands a brave, regular and conscious practice and invites us to create more rewarding relationships.
Practically, aside from being present to your inner world, this practice includes acknowledging, attuning and finally consulting with your four brains.
Most of us will know about and mostly use the cognitive brain; our mind – what do I think or know?
Most of us also know about and regularly use our emotional brain, our heart feelings, our emotions – what or how do I feel?
Some of us will know about and use their spiritual brain; our soul, our connection to the Divine – what is the guidance I am receiving?
Some of us know about and infrequently use our somatic brain; the wisdom of our body and of our energy body, including our sex and life energy.
Fewer of us will use it regularly – how does my body react, what is s/he communicating to me?
Befriending and learning to use our four brains equally allows us to feel increasingly aware, honest, safe, comfortable and empowered with what we really need and want.
Communicating with and through them in an authentic way helps us to avoid miscommunication, depletion and isolation as well as to cultivate trust, empathy and compassion for ourselves and for our partners, friends, families and children.
Haya S. Kalechman is an Integrative Psychosexual Somatics and Relationships Therapist offering a holistic multi-dimensional approach to women and their loved ones.
Her trainings as a midwife, bodyworker, dance teacher, dance movement psychotherapist and somatic psychosexual therapist, as well a Qi Gong and Taoist instructor and NLP practitioner, allow her to offer a vast, rich and above all very personalised array of tools to improve, expand and reach her clients’ full personal, relational and sex/life potential.
She teaches Authentic Communication and Boundaries and Consent work to professionals, individuals, couples and groups.
Her passion is to support women, couples and therapists in becoming more embodied, more empowered and more authentic.
Haya will be giving workshops about Communication, Boundaries and Touch for Couples and Duos in October and about Boundaries, Consent and Touch for Therapists in December.
For more info please visit www.womensexuality.co.uk